By The Throat
by Viakal
Summary: Renton didn't want to kill anyone. He didn't want any of this. But when the biggest choice a carnivore can have is stolen from you, well you need to adapt. In the end, though much has been taken away, he needs to decide what he is. A man or a monster, or maybe a little bit of both.
1. No Beast so Fierce

Seems like it's all my friends talk about these days. How their art represents the divisiveness in society along carnivore and herbivore lines. They prattle on for hours and hours about how for carnivores, there's a deep animal instinct to consume meat and that civilization and tolerance has helped us temper ourselves so we can live among herbivores in harmony. They say we're threatened, that the public will turn against us, that herbivore murder is getting more and more common, and that these incidents whilst tragic are only hurting the majority of carnivores. Singling us out as a whole and choosing to not focus on the few bad eggs that need to be smashed for the good of the pack.

Recently I've been finding it hard to care about that though. I mean the tragedy of someone being ripped to shreds just because they're a fluffy bunny or a bleating sheep is sad, but I've never known or heard of anyone around here who'd do such a thing. Neither have I heard of any herbivore whose been through an attack, or even had friends or family who'd been snatched away by the ultimate taboo of society. I just found it hard to care about anything.

I wasn't depressed or unhappy. Far from it. Everything in my life was perfect. I was up to date on my essays, my coursework was being managed and I even had a girlfriend who I loved very dearly. So... why was I so tired of just being outside?

Classes were boring, friends were boring, hell video games and binge shows were boring. It was all so... samey. I don't know how to explain it.

"Come on Renny, you can't just stay quiet. What do you think about the attack yesterday downtown? Was it really a falcon who snapped because they needed to eat meat, or was it society boxing them in so hard that their only way to break out was to tear into that ram?"

The tiger across the coffee table grinned, knowing he'd caught me spacing again. I'd call him a friend, but as of late Bill had only cared about nudging and prickling my feelings towards him. Pressing my buttons in all the right ways to piss me off. We'd been roommates for nearly two years now since I was 18 and he 19 and it was now his final year, whilst I still had two years to go.

The two other faces staring at me were mellower. Samuel, a stoat without a vote we called him, due to the fact he was over here from the UK and had very little say in anything political around here, even if he wouldn't shut up about it. Then there was Matt, a spotted eagle with a single red-head feather that he said marked him as special for some reason, mostly due to the questions it got him from ladies he talked up in parties.

"I don't know Bill, I mean does it really matter? The lady who snapped is locked up and the girl who was attacked is mutilated for life. Is it really worth talking about it? How about we talk about sport or something?"

"Ren you don't know the first thing about sports. Unless it's an Esport or something," Sam chuckled, sipping on his iced frappa whatever whilst the other two snickered. I smiled back weakly. It was true, I didn't give a damn about sports, but the tone of the conversation was... less than cheery we could say and I was getting tired of it.

"You know you're right though Renny, this chat is a real dower considering we've hit the weekend. We should go see that new clown movie in HiMAX!" Bill suggested.

"What the one where he's mentally ill and laughs randomly? No thanks, let's go see something else." Matt always had a nice voice, even when he was putting something down so brutally. Personally I wanted to see that movie, but fuck me I suppose.

"How about we just take the weekend off and do coursework? You know the end of the year is only a few months away, and with that comes summer, it might be nice t-"

"Or we can not do that and have a little fun? Party tonight at the Theta frat. I'm not normally in for all those thick skull deer '**bros**' but hey they love hanging out with carnies. Makes em feel like they could go paw-to-paw with us or something like that."

Just like that, Bill had stolen the conversation back, and Sam and Matt were already onboard, raising their disposable coffee and cheering him, patting him on the back and generally making me wonder why we weren't in a frat, the level of masculinity in recent months seemed to be on par with the way they were perceived to be. Not to mention the number of parties I'd attended. I still had one ace up my sleeve to get out of the night, however.

"Sorry guys, I think I can't manage tonight actually. You know, it's Theebs again." It was known in our circle that Theebie, my canine girlfriend, had been growing apart from me, and whilst I wanted to say it was just relationship wear-and-tear... I knew it was because I'd been drifting away from everyone as of late, her especially. Maned wolves weren't known to be particularly socially outgoing as a species, but we weren't lone wolves. We weren't wolves at all frankly, but it's not like details mattered in the humdrum of today's world.

"He's getting that drift away expression again. Well fair enough man, you go be with your girl. However, when you decide to have a good time we'll be waiting. Just send the text and we'll be there for you huh?" Matt gave me a rather petty back pat and we adjourned our coffee shop meeting, going back on our way to our respective dorms, I walking alongside Bill.

It as strange calling someone so young 'Bill,' but he insisted on it over Will and William. Something about how he wanted to be different from other tigers and felines of a similar namesake, apparently William a really common and popular big cat name, almost as much as Max was among bulldogs. I still protested occassionally that Bill was a Dad name, but Bill by this point just snapped back "Then call me daddy."

Whatever he wanted to talk about though, I really wasn't looking for a conversation, so I didn't say anything, but I should have known that would in itself speak louder than words. "Renny, you've really gotta get it together man. I see you at breakfast. Dull look, dull responses. You're depressed aren't you? It makes me all weepy bro."

"Just 'cause I'm a little joyless of late doesn't mean I have a serious mental health issue, Bill. I'm just struggling with college life, and yes with Theebs, believe it or not, relationship stress helps make me unwilling to spout out much when it comes to parties and politics. Then again you haven't been in a relationship with a girl longer than a week, so you wouldn't know much hmm?"

"Well... I'm still here for you man. I'm always gonna be here. You know, when you moved in, all sprightly and ready for the college buzz, I was hella happy. But recently... ah, I should stop prodding. But hey, just try and come down later on huh? For me?"

He gave me watery eyes that looked better on a puppy than a tiger of his stature and I couldn't help but smile. For all his faults, Bill was my friend. Hooked me up with Theebie and indeed he had been there for me when I'd first come to college. The year 2 who'd shown me the way, taught me the tricks and the easy was to do things.

"No promises... but maybe," I chuckled, and he clasped my hand, announcing "THAT, is more like my old boy. I'm gonna swing by the store and grab some liquor, do you want anything?"

The miracle of being a year older had made him popular in our friend group, but tonight, I think I wanted to keep my senses, so I replied "Not tonight. I'll see you when you get in." With that, I was away, and so was he.

* * *

Over the next few hours, Bill came and went. Showering and freshening up before taking off with liquor in toe. I had said I was going to go see Theebie, and I supposed it wouldn't be fair just to lie. I'd done it enough and it had been days since I'd spoken physically to her, she was probably feeling a little forgotten, and that wasn't something I genuinely wanted.

I showered, watching large clumps of red fur flow down the large drain, adapted for carnivore usage. My head still touched the ceiling, my legs and body lankier and longer than most, making me a good runner but not very lucky when it came to some doors. It was lucky that giraffes were recognized as one of the major species for adapted living, or else I'd probably be bending over to get into all my classes.

Taking a swig of mouth was I looked in the mirror. I did look duller than usual, the black fur and red usually bright just seemed hazy. My brown eyes were nothing special. My race wasn't known for any chilling eyes or looks. Not that anyone could be fooled, my muzzle was fully ready for chomping down and baring my fangs in the mirror I saw the sharp canines and powerful array of jagged tools.

I'd never wanted to try meat. I heard some students had tried it on the down-low or something. Then again, some students were on serious narcotics to help 'free their minds,' or some shit like that. Apparently you could get anything you wanted if you left into the wider world of Los Angeles, but I stayed around the Higher Arts and Design College campus. Carnivores had struggled long enough to be recognized as more than monsters, and now that they had the rights of herbivores, the murders that took place every so often were like small slaps in the face. Not that I could do anything about them. Hell could society do anything about them!?

I rolled my tongue over my gums and my muzzle briefly before I put it back in my mouth, coughing lightly before getting dried and dressed. Starting out towards Theebie's house at around six at night, a casual time to go, hoping she wouldn't be busy, her programming course at the local tech college seemed to take up more and more of her time as the year progressed.

It wasn't like I wasn't guilty of ghosting her at times. Lying about coursework or simply leaving her on 'read.' I wasn't a monster, but I could be like anybody, a simple son of a bitch and selfish asshole.

That wasn't really fair to my Mom though. She was the opposite of a bitch. To me, she was almost a hero, a legend and when I was younger she was my best friend. She had wanted me to pursue my art career and now here I was, probably on my way to a rather average grade this year. I should probably actually start doing more work, just as I preached to the guys. Maybe then I could finish the course with a grade that might get me a job and some respect.

In little to no time I was on and off the bus, a good few miles away now, but only a 15-minute walk from Theebie's place. The nights were getting warmer now, and the sun was still cresting on the horizon when I finally got round to the quaint place she shared with two other canids.

Leuticcia and something beginning with an 'A.' I wasn't sure, they never seemed to like me visiting. Probably didn't approve that I dated outside the very rigid lines of my species. I mean, I had a wife to be married off to in a few years, so, for now, why not right?

Besides that, how many maned wolves were in Los Angeles? A hundred would be generous. Hell, I might have been 1-in-10!

Knocking on the door I was thankful when it was Leuticcia, a small and rather cross looking terrier who answered it. After all, at least I knew her name. "Hey there Leut-"

"She doesn't want to see you Renton, so I'd suggest leaving right now," and with that, she made to close the door on me, but I stopped her, jamming my foot in the door with a chuckle and asking "Haha, come now... I know this is her day off work and college so what's up?"

"Leuticcia acted as if I'd pissed in her coffee or something. Her face soured and her eyes narrowed, the gruff little dog growling "You don't call, or text for a few days and now you show up demanding to see your 'property?' You're a dick."

She tried to force me out, and to be honest I nearly slipped my foot away in acknowledgment before I heard a large bang upstairs.

It took my brain a few moments to process that bang. I'd heard it before, the sound her shitty headboard made when...

"Let me in," I demanded, anger flaring up as I reached for the door chain, Leuticcia demanding "NO! You can't just waltz in he-" but it was too late. Reaching the chain I slammed it back out of position and stormed into the home. It was well kept for the most part but as it was typical of students and as always there were dirty pans to be washed.

Climbing up the stairs I slammed Theebie's door open, snarling at the person in bed with her. The person on top of her. The person who'd decided to fuck my girlfriend. I was going to kill him. "Show yourself, you motherfucker!" I demanded, claws out and eyes wild. My eyes only widened, though not in anger but what I can only describe as 'almost fear,' as the face of another female canine looked back in confusion, the other female being Theebie's roommate, the one beginning with an A screaming "WHAT THE FUCK RENTON!?"

With that, she covered them both and they turned to face me, and in return, my face turned a nice shade of a beet, my tail hanging limp and my face blushing a bright red, Leuticcia finally catching up with me, demanding "Out. NOW!" before practically pushing me back down the stairs, through the kitchen and out of the door.

"Come back when Theebie's here. Though trust me, if I were her I'd be dumping your ass any day now creep!" Was the last sting the terrier imparted upon me before slamming the door in my face, almost knocking me back with the force she gave it.

I scratched the back of my head, face still burning. I couldn't believe I could be so stupid. Whether or not Theebie knew that her friend was using her bed to get lucky with other canines I didn't want to know. Frankly I wanted to delete the entirety of the last five minutes from my brain, this whole day just getting a whole lot shittier.

I looked at my phone and saw a text from Bill. The address to the frat party, another bus ride away to another campus, not too long a trip if I set out now. Alcohol suddenly sounded really good, so I decided to put my glum thoughts and embarrassment out of my head and made my way back towards the bus stop.

All I could think was_ 'you're so stupid,_' and _'maybe Leuticcia's right,'_ the entire way. I never acted so brashly generally, but just then I'd felt a brief flicker of liveliness before it had been shattered by two small dogs screwing around. It was amazing how fast it took to go from ready to fight- to ready to die and crawl into some dark corner of the world for the next 100 years.

I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn't know that I was being followed by someone. Someone who walked briskly and was well too wrapped up for the warm early summer night, their face obscured by a bandanna and their hands covered by gloves.

When I finally caught a whiff of his scent I was already in the alleyway, a few hundred meters from the bus stop, the stranger right behind me now. I couldn't put my finger on it. Vulpine maybe? Lupine? It was confusing me until he was suddenly standing right behind me and I stopped.

I waited for an excruciating few seconds, knowing I was most likely going to be mugged, the person asking "Are you a wolf?" making me turn around to answer "Yes," the words barely leaving my lips before I felt the cold sharp edges of the stranger's knife push their way into my chest, the suddenness and harshness of the attack leaving me to wheeze and collapse, totally paralyzed as the stranger undid his hood, revealing the middle-aged, proud face or a red deer, antlerless and smelling all too wrong, making me realize he was masking his scent with artificials.

"You fucking carnies. Think you can take whatever you like. Take my little girl and my wife, just because the Gods saw fit to give you claws and teeth. I hate you. I hate you all, and especially wolves. It was a wolf who did it to them. To her! You just can't control yourselves, and when the rest of the world realizes it, it'll be glorious watching you all die. We always get the last laugh huh!? When they see it they'll burn you all!"

He began monologuing for a long time, talking about his wife and how she'd been murdered, heart ripped out two years ago by a grey wolf on a rampage, his daughter the next victim trying to call him at work whilst the bastard broke through her door.

It was getting hard to breathe, the knife was probably in a lung and making air leak into my chest cavity. Or maybe being stabbed was just this painful. I have to say it winded you like you'd been punched a few thousand times in the guts. Either way, I felt a sudden injustice being performed upon me. I was young. I was trying my best to be a good person and I had plans for the rest of my life. Those all seemed to be at an end now, bringing wet tears of sadness to my eyes... mixed in with utter instinctual rage.

I know I wasn't perfect. I'd had small urges for meat before, but I'd contained them. I'd made them work and I'd not hurt anyone, never even tried or considered it. Then this bastard came along, chose me cause I was alone and stuck a knife in my chest. Well... that would make any wolf mad.

I controlled my breathing as best I could, using his distracted state to my advantage as I sniffed at his masked scent, smelling the strong red deer scent beneath all the artificial scent soaked and oiled clothes. I rose weekly, getting into a kneeling position, getting ready to attack, pulling all my will and energy to my legs. With a lunge I grappled with him, hissing as the knife lodged further into my chest before striking at him with my claws, slashing three marks across his face before he was able to stumble away, slamming into some trashcans and winding himself, blood dripping down his face and anger in his eyes.

"You fucking... How do you think I'm going to explain this!? I was gonna make your death long, but I think it's time I was going," the man growled as best as a herbivore could growl, bringing out a small .38 from his pocket and aiming it, making me almost instinctively lunge once more at him, my jaws wrapping around his neck just as the gun went off, the feeling I received like someone had given me a large dropkick as the bullet punched through my shoulder and slammed into the brick alley wall behind.

With a ***crack*** my jaws compressed and I broke his neck, finishing him by ripping the tissue and flesh from him, gore coating my face and neck and a harsh gurgle coming from my surprised attacker. My would-be killer had a look of shock and pain on his face as he collapsed to his knees, firing off a shot into the air with his last remaining muscular reflex before falling over dead, blood gushing from his newly mangled throat hole, his head almost taken clean off by the massive gash I'd ravaged where his neck had once been.

With a guttural growl of bloodied pleasure, I did something I never wanted nor considered doing before but made sense in that moment, and swallowed his scent drenched flesh, blood flowing down my gullet and making me feel powerful, feral, almost... alive. I roared primally, clenching my fists and savoring the kill, howling at the red sky with it's pink and orange clouds dancing across my eyes.

Then I slumped to the side of him, coughing up my own blood this time and gritting my teeth, looking at the knife and feeling blood pool around me from the gunshot. I wanted to call someone. My Mom, or the police... hell I'd call Leuticcia at this point, but really, what was the point?

With fluttering eyes, the last thing I saw was the darkened alley, a few blocks away from the bus stop, the glistening red blood of the herbivore I'd killed shining in the red dusk of night. This wasn't how it was meant to end. But it wasn't like I had a choice. Had I ever had one?

**Edited 10/12/19 - _Minor contextual edits and corrections._**


	2. I Can Feel It

"-It was clear to us that your son was not the instigator of the attack. The physical evidence along with witness testimonies shows he was followed from between 7:21 pm to 7:32 into a dark alleyway near the bus stop he was meaning to take, possibly to a party, but maybe home. The man who did this was an herbivore whose family had been killed by a deranged carnie… carnivore attack that occurred in Nevada 15 months ago.

We've been on this sicko's trail for a number of months now. We knew it was a red deer, but we couldn't confirm anyone, there have been so many carnivore attacks that we've got thousands of spurned deer just like him. We're awfully sorry ma'am."

I had seen enough cop shows to know that there was a cop talking right next to my hospital bed. The constant ***Boop*** of the machine monitoring me and the tears that were being supplied by my mother indicated that I was in both a cliché and a coma. A coma that allowed me to do everything but respond, my ears working perfectly fine as I listened in anguish to my mother fawning over me.

"Can you please leave detectives, we've already told you that you'll be notified the moment he wakes up. Please, family only will be allowed in here from now on, I hope that you respect that this time," a mellower voice chimed in, the voice of a doctor no doubt.

With that, the door closed after a curt apology and the doctor began speaking to my mother about my condition, only worsening her condition in return. "He's a brave boy, we almost lost him during the 13 hours he was in surgery. His lung was punctured and he's lost a lot of blood, in addition, his right arm has been broken and he has several cracked ribs. The bullet luckily punched through his should and out his back, but… I'm sorry to say that he will need several months of physio in order to correct his arm totally, that is… when he wakes up. He's experienced a lot of trauma, but the recent scans we've gotten back are solid, at this stage all I can assure you of is that he will make a full physical recovery."

A full physical recovery. Well, that was good to know. I was super excited about being able to use my arm to paint a stick figure in a few months, that was if I even woke up. I'd read articles and stories of people being in comas for 20 years or more, some induced and some just random chances after they'd crashed their cars. I didn't like the fact that I'd be stuck in my own head for so long, that sounded worse than any boredom spell I'd had before.

"Can you… can you confirm if he really did it, doctor? One of the orderlies assured me it was a rumor, but I've been here for almost 2 days now and… they say he ate part of his attacker. That he bit into his... That is a fit of rage he bit into his throat and ripped it out..." the tone in mom's voice hurt. It hurt big time, and it was fragile, something I'd never heard before, the doctor said nothing to console her as she burst into fresh waves of tears.

With a cry of pain and raw emotion, I tore part of my saline drip from the sidewall, rising up like the undead and opening my eyes to see my mother and the doctor staring at me in shock. The doctor said something, the herbivore gazelle trying to calm me, but I was too enraged to hear her. Enraged with myself and with everyone. Enraged with the fact someone had tried to kill me and that right now my Mom was crying because she thought I'd broken the great rule of society.

I hadn't eaten a part of him, my attacker, it was impossible. I was a good carnivore. I didn't eat meat, I never had and I never would. I didn't dope on blood and I sure as shit wouldn't tear into someone willingly. It had just happened; I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to feel the sickly-sweet taste of his blood as it hit my lips, the crunch as I broke his neck and ripped into him like he was a doll.

The Doc called in several orderlies as I opened up an array over very intense stitches, blood pooling against the bandages covering my chest, my eyes crazed and hands trapped by monitoring wires and drips. "Renton, Renton listen to me I'm Doctor Long," a gazelle held my arm, pretty and rather tired-looking she pushed the syringe into my arm before I even knew what was happening.

"You've been through a tough time, Renton… but it's going to get better, we'll talk soon, we just need to give you time to c-calm down." I could see from the reflection in her glassy eyes that I was bandaged, up to my neck which was in a brace, my eyes yellowed, crazed and mad. It was hard to see myself like this, and when I began to drift off to sleep, I welcomed it, hoping this was all some unbearable nightmare as I passed out, back into the darkness.

* * *

Waking up I felt calmer, more relaxed and at ease with myself. Maybe they'd put me on some seriously good drugs, or maybe it had been a terrible nightmare. When I looked up and saw that I was alone in a hospital room, however, I realized this wasn't a nightmare but in fact a waking nightmare.

With tears in my eyes, I began to sob lightly, pathetically. It had all been true. I'd been stabbed, I'd been pushed to do something I'd never wanted to, never dreamed of doing. It made me sick to think about it, but the fact was that I'd tasted meet, and not just any meet but real flesh and blood, sickening and delicious and a whole lot of tasty. It was… making me whimper and cry with how much I'd loved that taste in the brief few moments before I'd passed out.

I hated myself. I hated that evil fucking deer. I hated the doctors for saving me, the police for finding me. I wanted to hate them all, so bad! I wanted to burn up in hatred. I felt so cheated by everyone.

Yet I couldn't. It wasn't like I had control over my actions. Instinct'd told me that I was under attack and taken over. No court in the world would convict me of eating meat, not when I'd done it in the split-second decision of taking down my attacker. It didn't change it for me though, and now… so many things seemed so far away to me. So stupid and insignificant. Who even was I? Nobody would understand at college. They would know, there was no hiding this.

"Ah, Mister Banks, or would you prefer Renton? I see you're in a more stable mood, I'm glad you woke up, trust me, we get a lot of trauma patients waking up who relive the moments before they were attacked, I apologize if we were more heavy-handed than usual, as you can imagine, it's difficult restraining a large… Chrysocyon such as yourself. Forgive me if I pronounced that wrong, but I've never treated a maned wolf before."

It was Doctor Long, a clipboard snapping onto the end of the bed as she pulled a flashlight from her pocket, shining it into my eyes and announcing "Seems like the morphine is working a treat. We have you on rage and anxiety depressants as well, but we'll wean you off of those. What level of pain are you feeling hon?"

Sniffing I felt like a child again, remembering when I broke my leg as a kid, the doc asking me that exact same question.

"It's a dull pain. But what does it matter? I heard what you said. Heard what those detectives were saying to my mother before all of this. I ate meat. I ate real live flesh and you know what? I think I liked it, and I'm never going to be able to recover from this. That fucker, that… whatever his name is has killed me in the end."

"You didn't eat it on purpose. If there was ever a time for a carnivore to eat meat it would be now. It was involuntary what you did. You have nothing to be ashamed about, and nobody is planning on charging you. In fact, the guy who you… who you were able to stop. He killed two other animals that we know about. You've put a stop to that, at a terrible price I know. But you are alive. Are you struggling with the events that happened? I can schedule a psychologist to come and talk with you as soon as possible."

I whimpered, wiping my eyes with my one free hand, groaning in tiredness "No, that's okay. I think I just want to talk to my mom."

The doctor assured me she was sleeping in the waiting room and went away to retrieve her, leaving me to my own twisted thoughts. I'd stopped a killer, what a hero I was. That was a real joke, and I doubted anyone would believe it. Still, at least I wasn't going to jail for eating meat. I'd just have to live with that knowledge for the rest of my life. I could probably do that… probably.

Sighing I leaned back in my bed and readied myself for the conversation I was going to have to have with my mother.

* * *

The next few days were defined by Doctors, my mother, and my friends. Even Theebs and Leuticcia showed up, though the other one of her housemates decided it best not to come, and in all honesty that was fine by me considering the situation we'd parted in. They were all kind and they brought me gifts and words of encouragement. They brought me my delay for work and essays and they joked about how much of a badass I was, surviving a fight without any sort of weapon but what nature gave me.

Their compliments left me hardly soothed. I knew they meant well, and whilst I was happy to see everyone, I struggled emotionally coming to terms with what I'd done.

I eventually did get a psychologist to check me out, a cow, literally and she diagnosed me with carnivore guilt, where I was more hung up over the actual act of eating meat than having eaten it, in itself. Personally, I didn't see that. I just felt terrible entirely about the whole ordeal, whether I hadn't meant it, or meant it or whatever. From bite to swallow, I just wanted to forget it. They gave me some pills and said they'd see me every other day and then every other week until I was released at the end of the month after three weeks of healing, my carnivore strength helping heal what might have taken a herbivore months to recover from. After that, they explained that the college would help with mental healthcare and any rehabilitation I needed.

After three wild weeks of visits, interviews with police and news crews, I was finally discharged. Allowed to go back home and then school. It had been reported I'd killed my attacker in self-defense by tearing out his throat, the gorey details were kept from the public so that I would be able to go about my buissness unmolested. Nobody would ever know that I had eaten part of him, just that I had savaged him.

I surprised my mother then and Theebs when I decided to return to my dorm. A lot of them protested, saying I needed many weeks more of rest and recovery before going back to work, and whilst I said that I was intending to get back to work, the truth was I wanted time to myself.

Bill was happy to know I'd be coming back. He was acting as if I was some sort of hero the entire time. Saying that he had 'never' had a carnivore friend going full beast before in the midst of a fight. I wanted to be as enthused as he was, but it wasn't forthcoming, but I humored him at times with a fanged grin, a rather scandalous thing for sure, but between carnivores, it was less so if that made sense.

It had been nearly 3 weeks since my attack, but my dorm room seemed cleaner than I'd ever seen it. Bill, Theebie, Matt, and Sam were there to welcome me as my mom helped me in, probably thinking that it always looked this good and feeling a little better in knowing I'd be living in a sterile environment.

"So, you've everything you need dear, and… well, if you need anything I'm in the country for another few days. I can stay longer if needs be. If there's anythi-" I hugged her, and she let out a sob, her snout buried into my good shoulder as I cooed "I'll be fine Mom. These guys can take care of me now, you've been by my side for weeks, I think you need a break from me."

She sniffled a little, before squeezing my hand, the greying fur around her muzzle getting only greyer with age and worry as she said her goodbyes to my friends and left me in their care.

Turning around to greet them all, a wave of guilt came over me. My friends who I'd treated poorly and who'd all been there for me over these past few weeks. My girl, who I loved with all my heart and who had stood by me, even after the ass I'd been and the way I'd acted on that night. It made me tear up as they circled me in a hug, the twinge of pain in my arm overcome with the gratitude I felt in my heart towards them.

"Welcome home mate. Here's your first beer in two weeks if I'm understood," Matt smiled, placing a beer in the hand on your good arm, patting your back lightly, Samuel demanding "Jeez he's on like 6 medications or something, maybe we can not booze him up right away?"

"No, it's fine. Trust me, I've been looking forward to this guys. I've been looking forward to seeing you all and trust me, this is almost as beautiful as that!" I smiled, holing up the bottle and starting to drink it. Cheap and fizzy, it might have represented freedom, or just how willing students were to pay for awful alcohol.

"Do you wanna do anything Renton?" Theebie asked me, a collie of such gorgeous proportions and soft flowing fur similar to mine it almost made me question myself again for the millionth time as to why she bothered to go out with me.

"No, no I think I want to rest a little. I might just go to bed for now. You guys don't mind, do you? In fact, it's a Monday, don't you and Sam have a sculpting class, Matt?" I questioned, the two of them looking to one another and snickering "Well, when we told the admins we were welcoming home our wounded hero of a friend, they folded and gave us absence."

I grinned, pleased to be known as a scapegoat before Theebie tutted "Right you guys, let's get you out of here then if you don't mind. I want to say goodbye to my boyfriend before he gets some shut-eye."

Bill made eyes at the other guys and I gave a playful and blushing growl, saying "Watch it. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Thanks for being there for me, really." I nodded to my best friends and they all waved their goodbyes, wolf-whistling, and catcalling after Theebie closed my room, the collie rolling her eyes and tutting "Your friends are all pervs, you know that?"

I shrugged, relenting "Yeah, they sort of are. But then they haven't had their long-legged best friend for the past few weeks, they need to get some teasing in before they forget how to do it." Theebie pouted and sat down on my bed, I sitting next to her as she sighed, giving me a small hug and chuckling "We've had some fun times haven't we Renton? It's been almost a year now, and you've been amazing you really have, and honestly... the main reason that I'm doing this now is because. I think that you've made a good recovery and I don't want to lead you on anymore. I couldn't, c-couldn't do this whilst you were ill. That wouldn't be fair but now that you're back, I can't. I can't do this anymore. It's just not right."

My tail went limp against the bed and my eyes narrowed. I knew what she was saying yet I found the words tumbling out of my mouth. "W-what're you talking about Theebs?"

She sniffed and turned her head away, her white face differing to my black one, making it shine from the window light, whilst mine looked cloaked in shadow. She hadn't said anything for a full minute and so I asked again, this time more forceful. "What're you saying Theebs?"

Her eyes became wet and she whined lightly, trying to formulate words before choking out "You know th-that we weren't doing well before. You were so despondent to me. Ignoring me for days on end and finding it hard just to, just to be with you. You came randomly on that night and I was... in truth I was on a date, and I felt awful then and even more awful later and, yes. I blame myself partially for what happened to you, but I can't keep pretending I love you still because. I j-just don't alright?"

Theebie rubbed her eyes of the tears, as I stared at her, looking through her, trying to process the words she was saying in disbelief, unable to do more than allow my jaw to hang open. "You're breaking up with me?"

I swallowed, my throat suddenly feeling really dry, my eyes leveled in disbelief at her. I'd been talking and apologizing with her for 2 weeks, and now she was, she was breaking up with me. Forever by the sounds of it, and with a tight swallow and a wave of emotional woe, I whispered: "W-Well... fine then."

Gosh darn it Renton, why won't you be angry!? Letuiccia told me about that night. You were furious, thinking I was cheating on you. You wanted me so much at that moment you were ready to fight for me, and now you're just _fine_!?"

"I-I don't..."

"Don't say anything Renton. I loved you, but I can't anymore. I'm sorry about what happened, I'm glad you're recovering and I need to go. If you need any of your stuff please, send one of your friends. I can't, I just can't."

She got up to leave and I stood, grabbing her arm with my left hand, claws digging into her blouse as I growled, demanding "What? Can't stand to have a boyfriend who ate meat? I knew the rumor would get out. Knew you'd think less of me. This has nothing to do with how I was acting does it!?"

She yelped in pain as I felt my claws drag against her ars, knowing they drew blood, as I snapped at her in anger. She pushed at my injured shoulder, making me yelp loudly and let go, whining in agony before she sobbed "I don't know what you're talking about you total psycho, but you stay away from me. Nobody cares about what you did to survive except you. You need therapy, and I need to leave!"

"I need therapy. I NEED THERAPY!? I'm fine Theebie, a man tried to kill me a few weeks ago and nearly succeeded, but please walk out on me whilst the bandages are still sodden. Fuck off then. FUCK OFF AND RUN AWAY FROM THE MONSTER!" I screamed like a mad man, several rooms could probably hear what I was saying, but I didn't care. I felt betrayed and angry. I felt wrong and yet I hated Theebie instead of myself as if she were the reason I'd been stabbed that night when I'd gone to see her.

She took one last look at me through glassy eyes, and then she stormed out, slamming the door behind her and making my eyes finally open up the waterworks as I screamed: "WELL FUCK YOU BITCH!" More from sadness than from general anger, pushing my head into my hands as a smell... permeated the air, making my heart stop... making my eyes focus and my mouth salivate.

I had her blood on my claws, under them to be precise where I'd dug into her arm, the smell strong. It wasn't like the deer's blood. Hers was stronger, less sweet and far blander. Still, I licked at it and whimpered in pleasure, feeling the sensation on my tongue and moaning with delight.

_This isn't bad, but wouldn't it be great to taste the real thing? That tangy feral taste your ancestors lived on for millennia? A nice doe or perhaps a stripey zebra. There's a few of those on campus! Think of how strong you'd be. Stronger than any feral around, you could prove just how worthy a mate you are. Be the top dog for a change than the one in the background. Show them that you matter, that they're idiots!"_

My eyes shot open and I fell to the floor, vomiting, the tiny amounts of blood totally buried beneath the milky egg mayonnaise bread roll I'd eaten earlier on this morning. With a retch or three, I collapsed to the side, feeling truly pathetic, not thinking it possible for this day to get any worse.

"Hey man, I saw Theebie leave whilst I was saying goodbye to the guys, did you two have an argument or... fuck Renny!" Bill leaped over some books by the door after not bothering to knock, seeing the mess I'd made of his floor and the tears and manic look in my eyes. In truth, I feared he might really see into me. See the disgust I had for myself. The rage and the hatred and the great fear for what I might become. What I more than likely already was.

"Buddy are you okay? What happened? Is it the meds?"

I had been doubting Bill so much mere weeks ago. But here he was, standing over me as I lay next to puke in a rather low state for a wolf of my culture. Should I tell him I had my first intense need to eat a fellow student? Or should I bullshit him, tell the easy lie that Theebie broke up with me, and that I wanted to crawl into a hole and suffocate. I knew one would go down easier than the other, so I chose to tell my best friend.

"Theebie broke up with me."

**Edited 10/12/19 - _Minor corrections_**  
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	3. Psychosomatic

"So if you turn to the next page, you can see that Marie Ann de Levware was going for a far more, constrained form of expression, but only so this could influence her future work in the coming year by making what many consider to be the more extreme art to grace the world of New York modernist art in1972."

Lecturers monologuing on a Friday evening hurt. They physically hurt my soul, knowing that they wanted to go home as much as we did. However the fact they had to pretend to give a shit made my chest hurt, more than it had hurt over the last few days. That's how long it had been since Theebie had ditched me. Since I'd thought about those, vile things and since I'd lied to Bill and everyone, well part-lied. It was easy to be broken up, cause I really was. Theebs was a special canine. Smart and beautiful, I'd never find another girl like her. Certainly not a maned wolf, even though that was where I was bound to end up unless I decided to elope.

I placed my head on the desk, thinking about how I'd tided over the last few days of being a newly single individual.

I had already drunk my despair away several times over with Bill whilst playing Call of the Duty 12: Revamped Warfare, which was, in fact, a remake of Call of the Duty 7: Warfare Reborn, only with a differing story and less focus on making your guns purple. Bill had asked if I wanted to play a game with guns, but I waved away his worries. I wasn't collapsing at the idea of guns or knives, even though I'd been shot. It was... well let's just say nobody was being eaten in Call of the Duty.

I was back at the grind now. I had planned on staying off longer but with Theebes and other... things on my mind now I decided work would help. I was a little behind in everything, but the lecturers were understanding and I had extra time for practically all my coursework and essays up to the end of the year. The other thing, however, was that the administration had finally gotten together a therapist for me to see, in order to help me with my post-victim anxiety, depression and whatever other issues someone picks up when someone has tried to kill them.

Funny though I don't think any of the issues mentioned were on the topic of eating flesh. The hospital shrinks had simply passed off my worries and fears as me being more afraid of the act and not that I might act. Then again, I never mentioned that I had any... fantasies about eating a herbivore. I had acknowledged that the man's flesh had tasted sweet and that the mere act had made me feel electric, even as I lay dying in an alley, but they'd passed it off as instinct, something I could apparently control and in time master. The press didn't even seem to know the full extent of what I'd done, hopefully it remained like that.

Still, in relation to the shrinks, they neglected to mention that there were people out there, other carnivores that couldn't master it. They ended up shredding Herbies apart and getting their loved ones who were left behind to go crazy and start hunting ordinary people who wanted to leave that stigma behind them in the stone age.

America was a much more tolerant place, at least the west was as I saw it. I was born here, yet I grew up in Brazil, and I could tell you that Brazil had its issues. In some instances, the rights of herbivores were treated as inferior to carnivores, but over here it was a high priority that everything is done to make them feel safe and to stop the brutality of the ancient ways. It was something I totally agreed with, yet look where I was. Perhaps someone would find a way to make instinct go away, but after millenia of relying on it, how can you force species to change? Genetic engineering? Magic?

As the bell rang Sam licked his beak, something that could easily pull the intestines from a cow, asking "Do you want to head on over to the admin together... or?"

My head snapped to him angrily and I scowled "I'm not a child Samuel. Now, why don't you take your spotted birdbrain back to your dorm and leave me to my therapy!" I was coming off stronger than intended and Sam looked hurt by my words. I knew he wanted to support me, honestly, they all did. However, I was getting increasingly paranoid that they all knew something about me, that they just knew the extent of what I'd done... and how much I liked it.

The news hadn't said anything about me eating my attacker, and there was nothing on the college message boards or social media. I couldn't help but wonder if they knew though. If they didn't then how long would it be before they found out? Or before my own paranoia gave it away?

"Well if that's the case then, I guess I'll be seeing you in a few days for Bill's birthday. Don't forget, we're having it at that bar that doesn't ID, you know, the one with the basement!"

"That's not so much a bar but an impromptu speakeasy. Sure, I'll be there."

With those closing words, we both got up at the tone of the bell, signaling the end of the main classes for the day. All around herbivores ran around. Sheep following each other in a flock, mice sticking to the siding and ramps that were built for them and trying not to be paranoid about the large figures that could easily squish them into a paste.

_Nobody would notice a mouse you know? They're so small. Evidence is gone with the 5meat, a snack to get your courage worked up for the big kill!_

Whimpering I hugged the wall as I staggered out and onto campus. I'd not had any as bad as the day I came back to the dorm, but they were getting worse. Small little niggles, a voice in the back of my head just teasing me to do something. Planning out my next kill, the kill I didn't want. Hell, I wasn't sure if I was going mad or if the voice was actually a part of me, dormant since a child that had only been unlocked by the taste of herbivore. Either way, it made me more and more scared, and alcohol and video games with Bill weren't going to drown it out for long, neither was work nor Bill's instance I find a rebound date.

With a shiver I composed myself. I could lose it all in front of the therapist, that was if they even cared.

There was a stigma with faculty mental health. Some appeared to actually help, but there was a trend that many of them just didn't seem to care all that much and were working for the dollar. I couldn't say if any of this was true, only that it was worth trying no matter what. So after checking in at the admin reception, I was directed to a series of rooms at the back of the bottom floor, some refurbished offices where several therapy sessions were taking place, most group but some one-to-one.

I knocked at the door, the name on it reading _Mister Gartland _in sharp letters. "Come in," I was invited, and without further ado, I stepped inside the lion's den.

I mean that's what it was, considering an actual lion turned around to greet me. Standing over at the window he was large, brown with a lighter shaded mane that rippled down his chin and back. He was impressive, having the stature of a quarterback and a grip of iron, taking my paw and gripping it like he was trying to crush my bones or something.

"So you're Renton. It's a pleasure I can assure you. If you've signed in with reception, then we're free to get started. I'm Mister Gartland, but just call me David. I've been briefed by the hospital's doctors and the chief psychiatrist who examined you, but if you'd like to talk about anything that happened, either during, before or after the incident, then feel free to start."

I opened my muzzle, trying to formulate words and say something when suddenly I swallowed, looking up into the shrink's big, brown eyes his grin one that didn't seem to fit the calming attitude he'd had on his face before he struck out and asked me a question.

"How did it feel to eat someone?"

I coughed, having been on the cusp of choking already but now unable to hold back as I covered my muzzle with a paw. I looked fearfully at the lion, thinking that he might know something more, but instead, he got pushy and closed those big teeth, cooing"It's alright, there's no reason to panic. Just tell me how you felt. Did you enjoy it? Or were you too busy dying to get the full experience?"

"Of course I didn't fucking like it. That man was sick! He was a sick herbivore who had something awful done to him. I had to do it and you must know this!" I retorted, but Gartland chuckled and shook his head as if this was all some kind of joke at my expense.

"Sure you did sport. You had to kill him. Had to put those teeth to use didn't you, couldn't have used your claws or the strength you had over him. I see in the report you snapped his neck first, that would have been enough you know but you went the extra step. Probably cause you had a knife in your chest right? Instinctual reflex taking over hmm? Chose to rip out his throat and swallow a nice portion of his neck huh? Seems like his head was almost severed by your bite, and reports even say there was an ungodly roar after that followed by a howl. That roar is actually partially the reason people ran to get help so quickly. They figured a herbivore was being attacked by a carnivore and to be honest first responders saw it like that when they found you in that alleyway. It's a good thing the LAPD had some detectives there so soon, who knows what is might have been interpreted as"

"What is wrong with you man? I thought this was therapy, why the hell would I wanna talk about thi-"

"You don't want to talk Renton. You want to be told that what you did was wrong but that it wasn't your fault. I can see it in your eyes. Shame, regret, fear, and hatred. But let me ask you. Have the voices started yet?"

I froze, whimpering, snout trembling as my pupils dilated, the lion rubbing his paws together and grinning "You see that's why I knew you were something more than just an accidental meat ingestion guilt case. That dolly haired psych at the hospital is a herbivore. They don't really understand beyond the concept of what we go through. The cravings and urges, but they especially don't get what happens when a carnivore kills a herbivore in cold blood."

"The taste Renton. You can still taste it on your tongue, can't you? The tender flesh between your jaws, the scalding hot blood dripping down your muzzle and that sweet sensation. That exciting live sensation of a kill! Does it excite you? It is a little arousing, isn't it? Many a carnivore has felt sexual pleasure from it, but nothing compared to the sheer elation and power that comes from taking the life, and feasting on its offerings!"

My leg was pounding against the floor from hunger, practically stamping at this point. I was drooling as he described the meat in an oh so heavenly. How it was so succulent, how it made me feel. I wanted it so much. I wanted to kill, wanted to feast on a herbivore! I remembered it so well, my jaws around his neck, the crack as I took his life followed by my bite ripping into his week neck, the tissue and sinew. The blood that drenched my neck and face.

_Yes! Kill one, kill many. The sheep in your class, the Zebra in the hall over from yours. Kill them all and feast on their feeble bones. They don't deserve life, they are the prey and you are a predator! Your ancestors were born_ amongst_ the tall grasses, and now though your hunting grounds change, the prey does not!_

"Yes Renton, listen to that voice in your head. It speaks more truth than you could ever understand! Look at how you drool, how you want to get out there, even in your wounded state. You would love to, wouldn't you!? If there were an innocent filly right before you, why you'd tear her to pieces right in front of me!"

"NO!" I screamed, wrenching back in disgust and retching, falling off the chair I'd been seated on and coughing, shivering in revulsion and disgust. What the hell was happening? Why was he doing this to me? Getting in my head and trying to make me the very monster I was running away from. The one I had begun to feel was chasing me and now I knew was baying for the blood of others at the gates of my sanity.

I howled in pain as I felt a heavy shoe on my back, making the stitches in my chest almost burst, my one good arm trying to help me crawl away as Gartland's smirk grew wider and he pushed down on me.

"Pathetic Renton. Very pathetic. This look doesn't suit you very well I must say. You're a predator, a wolf who deserves to run with the pack. I may be a feline but I can see a crazed canid whose danger to herbivores. Those who haven't just tasted some half-cut meat in a black-market back-house, but someone who has tasted blood. Real raw blood. A killer Renton, that's what you are. It doesn't matter why you did it, but you did it, there's no going back for you now."

He smiled and pulled his foot up and off of me, letting me wheeze. I was on the verge of tears, my mind spinning madly. What was Gartland's game? Why was he doing this to me? Was it some sort of therapy revelation? A way to make me acknowledge I had a problem and that I could fix it? Or was he a mad man. Would he torture me until I broke? Until I acted upon my need? What did he want!?

"Get off of the floor, and sit back down Renton."

He growled as he himself took a seat in the chair opposite, baring his teeth, his eyes slits as he stared right at me and began adjusting his tie and shirt, his eyes analyzing my movements, though I wasn't going to lunge at him yet. I felt tired, a full headache hitting me and my movements becoming sluggish. I sat opposite him, wiping my jaw of any leftover saliva, the lion going back to smirking and saying nothing for the next few minutes as I tried to compose myself, the silence getting so deafening that I began listening to our breathing.

"Why did you do this? Why would you be such a fucking... I came here for help, not to be kicked or chided, or made to feel like a criminal! I don't have to suffer this sort of abuse! I can report you to head office!"

"Go ahead, kiddo. I'll just tell them all about how you were practically drooling at my in-depth description of your true feelings. Your leg was shaking there, you've soaked my carpet with your mouth juices. I saw it all. Who will they believe? I've been in this line of work for a decade, and you're a fragile and unstable carnivore who's going to do something they regret in a few days I bet... that is, unless you accept my help, get over yourself and admit that you want to kill again. That you want to eat meat, and not just any meat but freshly killed meat."

Once again you found your leg shaking, putting your hands together to stop it, your eyes narrowing and your mouth twitching. "You're a bastard, you really are. Fine. I want to eat meat are you happy? I want to do something that society not only shuns but would see my locked away forever for. I want... I want..." I began scratching at my muzzle with my claws, quivering like a rabbit in a wolf's... I was feeling shaky.

"You want to kill?" queried Gartland, but I shook my head, blurting out in defeat "I want to die."

There it was the revelation had hit me harder than anything I'd just said, but it all made sense. I was so sick with my desires and the fact I wasn't strong enough to overcome them, that I would rather see myself dead. All of a sudden a wave of grief hit me at the thought. My mom, my friends. Even Theebie, though she no longer wanted me. Such a thing would kill them all inside. Yet if I stayed alive with these feelings, these cravings then... then I would do something so wrong that the person I was would be long dead, and in his place, a monster so fierce that knew not an ounce of pity for any herbivore caught between his jaws.

I hung my head and Gartland surprised me by patting me on the back. "It's not going to be an easy road for you kid. You've been dealt an awful hand by fate, but I've seen many in your shoes break before they could even get past this part. You've admitted that you have a problem, and clearly you're so worried you consider, on some level that taking your own life would be a good thing. We can't have that either.

He wrote something down on a nearby pad and signed it, ripping it off and sighing "Get these medications from the pharmacy in town, take them as I prescribe.

I looked at the first one and saw _'Lithium' _groaning "Y-you're putting me on like... depression medication?"

Gartland replied "Yes, and mood boosters. It'll take a number of weeks for them to take some effect but we need to start altering the chemistry in your body. Instinct is a powerful thing and these drugs are no match for that, but it should help with the voices. You'll need to attempt to assuage your cravings by yourself, however. Trust me, breathing exercises won't work. Black market meats will not help either. If anything that would only accelerate your downfall as you end up craving the real thing."

"So what am I meant to do?" I asked, overwhelmed by his sudden shift to being on my side. Whether or not I approved of his method was irrelevant, he'd hit the nail on the head when it came to my issues I couldn't deny that.

"Forgive me for this, but I must ask if you have a girlfriend? You're young, virile, some of your attention can go towards her. Sex is a healthy way for any animal to take their mind off of a situation, I wouldn't recommend it being the only way. Take up a hobby, maybe drones or something, I know you arty kids love your pictures or instigramos. Also, be careful, you may not feel predatory at the scent of a female, but you're going to feel more... frisky, I can tell you that much. Increase in testosterone and hormones related to the thrill of the hunt, that and your age of course."

My face burned and I said nothing, not even wanting to talk about the fact that Theebie had left me, nor that we had never... gone that far before. Sure we'd tried some things, but that was between me and her, and I wanted it to remain that way, whether we were broke up, in limbo or together.

"No, she broke up with me," I answered truthfully.

The lion chewed his gums and shrugged. "Tough break kid. Still, it's a big campus and I hear you have very active friends. You'll find a hookup out there. Perhaps take up rock climbing, you've got a good form for it, all reach and muscle, nothing in the excess there to carry around, unlike me," Gartland chuckled, slapping his stomach before standing and announcing "That's enough for today. See me twice a week, we'll schedule your appointments online, and get those medications asap. I'm going to help you, but you need to help yourself, so focus on strengthing that will and distracting yourself, and please... buck up!"

He held out his hand, smiling like he was my best friend, not enough to bare his fangs but enough to flash them. Part of me still wanted to punch him in the face, but instead, I gave a half-hearted shake and got out of there as fast as my legs could carry me.

I had a lot to think about, and whilst I hated what he'd done... what he'd brought out in me, well... perhaps he could help me? Maybe my life wasn't over. Perhaps I would simply end up a medication addled recluse for the rest of my life. Plenty of artists had been like that, usually, ones that ended up missing ears or something, but hell I'd take it over madness and death.

Walking out of the administration block I looked at the sun descending below the high rises in the very far distance and inhaled. It turned out Bill had been right. I needed to get back in the game, and I needed a distraction. More than school and getting wasted every night on Zbox.

It would take time, but I would survive this. I would recover and be some form of the man I always knew I could be. Life was for living and I was going to start doing way more of that. Before I ran out of sanity and time.


	4. Canopies

It was a day after my _'meeting_,' and I had all the medications, I had all the pamphlets for all the try out clubs around campus or just general activities and I had the attitude to actually act upon them all. I put the majority of the medication under my bunk, I didn't need Bill asking questions. He usually ran in the mornings so I could take them then and there.

It wasn't that I didn't want him to know I was on heavy medication, but then it was. He'd treat me different. They all would and I didn't need that right now. I needed to project a sense of normalcy upon the world, and having my friends treat me like I was getting back to normal would be something major. I knew that they knew what I had done, you didn't spend that many weeks visiting me without picking it up, but they still thought it was instinct and that I hadn't enjoyed it by any stretch. That was going to remain unchanged.

With the medicinal aspect of my treatment finished, for now, I took to looking through the pamphlets for activities. Wakeboarding on Sundays. Every sport imaginable was available. Clubs for anything from martial arts, books, drones, guns and a hell of a lot of anime. It wasn't really clicking with me at all, I mean I couldn't say I wasn't interested in a few, but there was nothing that really stood out.

I kept looking though, the many pamphlets and sheets of paper piling up to my right as I vetted and declined them. My left pile was getting shorter and shorter before I finally saw something that might have been interesting. The Cross Country Runners, or the CCR. A dedicated country running club that didn't compete that met twice a week to run in the countryside and had members of all backgrounds. They didn't have a pamphlet per se, just a rather nicely designed sheet of paper with a contact number on it and an artistic interpretation of the members, if I could put it like that.

I nodded to myself and pondered if it was cheating that my species were naturally good runners already, our long legs possibly defined as cheating. Then again there was probably going to be a cheetah in the club. Where there was running there was always a cheetah, I mean you usually stood with your strengths. It's why you didn't see otters lifting weights, but when there was a swim team over half of it would be otters. Was it a comment on species? Perhaps, but right now I just wanted to do something, and so I dialed the number to inquire whether or not they were taking new members.

It rang for over thirty-seconds and I figured it was about to ring out before someone picked up the phone, a rather light-hearted female voice asking "Hello there, who's speaking?"

"Oh... u-uh hi there! My name is Renton, I was just calling about the club? I wanted to ask if there were slots free or if you were all booked up or something?"

"Booked up? Oh hehe, no sorry we're not like an official membership club. No, we're much laxer than that. The more the merrier Renton. It's always nice to have some fellow runners who're interested in cross-country. May I ask if you're a freshman or?"

"Um, no, I'm in my second year," I answered, hoping that wouldn't somehow impact against me, I know most people didn't randomly join a club halfway through a year. Especially over a year into their course.

There was background noise as I overheard someone say "He's the one who nearly died," the operator returning to the phone to ask "You're **that **Renton!? The one who nearly got killed by that crazy deer or something? Damn, that's amazing, you're out of the hospital and everything!? That's fantastic, we'd love to have you Renton if you're up for it. Do you need any help getting to our meet up point on Saturday? I could get a few of the other carnivores to help out with you if you'd like?"

It made me question how mixed this club was, but then I'd stuck to a very small group of friends, it was natural that people would have more friends than just the divided lines we made for ourselves. "No, that's okay. My chest and arm are still healing, I might be a little slow, but I'm healing fast, I'll be okay to get to the meetup point. Do you need like, money or something?"

"Oh no Renton, we have a pot we put whatever we have in for the minibus out of town if you'd like to contribute that'd be great, but hey no worries! So we'll see you at the weekend!?"

She sounded so excited that she was making me feel excited and I smiled, replying "Yes, totally. I'll be there! Thanks um..." I could've slapped myself. I hadn't even gotten this lovely girl's name, and she was being so helpful.

She picked up on my mistake, however, snickering "My name's Katie Renton. I'll see you then. Have a nice day!"

I made to wish her one too, but then the line went dead, and I ended up staring at my Lphone with a rather muted expression, scratching the back of my ear with my good arm, inhaling deeply before exhaling. "Well then, I guess that's that."

Bill came into my room suddenly and I looked up, the phone still in hand, the inquisitive/nosy tiger asking "Who were you talking to?"

For once I had the wit and jovial sense to retort with "Your Mom, she's having me over for dinner and a show. She's the sh-"

"Okay bro, I get it," he chuckled, hitting his bed with the force of a sledgehammer, smelling faintly of booze, lack of work and shame.

"Dude did you... did you score last night?" I had to ask, becoming, in turn, the annoying roommate, the striped boy waving his hand and groaning "Tell you about her later, too tired."

* * *

Saturday crept up and I was getting nervous. I hadn't done group or club activities for this reason. I wasn't quiet or anything, I just never felt like a social butterfly. However, the drugs were working, I was sure. If not chemically, the placebo was helping me already. I just didn't think about the voice, or the taste or any of that. I kept it out of mind, and out of sight.

I was waiting just outside of campus on a side road in easy slip-on running pants and a simple shirt, perfect for this time of year, this one is one of the hottest on record in California so I heard. Then again, I can easily recall brazil, and there were times then that I thought I might melt, the humidity being the real killer above all.

I was ten minutes early, but there was nobody else around so I was naturally panicking. I'd somehow bigged this up in my brain to the point that I figured I was doing more wrong than good by being alone and waiting in the designated area. Katie had my details, it wasn't like I'd lose out if they'd gathered somewhere else. I mean, maybe they had a social media group and changed the last minute? Or perhaps they didn't want me in their club? I might make other herbivore's uncomfortable or something, because of what'd happened. Maybe I should've told them a fake name, or just that I was Ren or something.

"Oh hiya there Renton!" I heard that cheery voice, that same fantastically excited voice from before. I turned, only to be enveloped in a rather tight hug, my shoulder wincing and my chest hurting as a chipper zebra embraced me.

She was about 2/3 of my height, so nearly 5ft 11, her face upturned in a smile, naturally and her tail swishing, in simple shorts and a running shirt, a friendly-looking fennec next to her seems like a small child in size compared to Katie and me.

My initial happiness was quickly offset as her scent filled my nostrils, however, and I began feeling... what I can only describe as some form of darkness descending over my mood. I'd not hugged a herbivore for over a month now. The most I'd done is pass them in hallways, keeping my head down, or more torturous sitting next to them in the few lectures I chose to attend. I'd touched her though, inhaled her scent. This might be a bigger test than any, and this club was supposed to distract me from this sort of thing.

I wiped my mouth, hoping they didn't see the small amount of drool that had already gathered. She was oh so sweet-smelling, no amount of perfume or cheap body wash could hide the scent of her hide.

"You okay Renton? You're sure you can manage today? We're not going on a small run, we like to spend most of the day out in the wilderness. Become one with nature… or just run in a more challenging environment to the city or track, whatever your take on it!"

A couple more people began to show up. A duck over there, a young lion here and yes, there was a cheetah, but they looked like they were experiencing some form of altered reality, in that their reaction seemed slow, their reddened eyes along with the stench of weed telling me, and everyone around that he was at least half baked.

A hyena came up to Katie, the guy giving off a rather typical laugh that made Katie put her hands on her sides, crossly pointing out "Jeff you know that makes the bunny's in the club skittish, and yet you've been doing that since you joined six months ago. You're going to show up my organizational skills in front of the newbie!"

"Well, I gotta get everyone stretched out and ready for the day, don't I? Stretching here, stretching in the mountains, the hills, on the beach, wherever it is we're going today. I don't mind!" he sounded rather laid back, cracking his back, making me wince slightly at just how loud of a crack it was.

Katie tutted, "That's my second in command, believe it or not. I've been leading the team since our senior left us last year. There'll be a few other notable faces around, some drive to the destination **WHICH I PUT IN THE FURBOOK GROUP EVERY WEEK**, and some like us take the mini-bus."

It was clear that last part was intended for Jeff, the hyena throwing a hand and shushing her, a few small bunnies behind him looking nervously over at Katie, their eyes meeting and the Zebra 'harumphing,' clearly this small non-issue and issue. Then again, I wasn't a bunny, maybe a hyena's cackle to them translated to _'I can't wait to sample your tender flesh.'_

"I have a few bucks if you wanna take it for the trip. I'd have more, but I've been… buying a lot of medication recently," I answered truthfully, and whilst some of that was for my physical injuries, the mental ones seemed to be costing thrice as much.

"Ah, sick dude. Yeah, I'll take that. You don't need to contribute every week, but now and again goes a long way. Don't be like Jeff who pays in once a year and thinks that's a contribution."

"Is this pick on Jeff day today Katie?" the hyena in question queried, lighting up a cigarette of all things, the smell of unfiltered tobacco doing well to totally block out other scents around me. I partially wanted to thank Jeff, and curse myself for not being a smoker. Maybe I should consider taking it up? I wonder what Doctor Gartland would say? Did therapists care about physical wellbeing? The way he stood on my back the other day it didn't seem like it.

"Come on, let's get on the bus," Katie said, taking my hand and leading me along, the other animals starting to head on over as well, seeming to know that where Katie went, the club went.

"Okay guys, let's saddle up. Herbivore's in the back if you'd prefer and carnivore's in the front if you don't mind!"

She led us over to a parallel street where the large old and beat up mini-bus we'd be hiring in question sat, sliding the door open as animals of all sizes began pouting in. I watched even a few mice hop up with the assistance of a sheep who seemed to be keeping an eye on the small and incredibly squishable creatures.

Then it was our turn, the carnivores climbing in the front. A brown bear making the whole bus shake, Jeff getting in next and then a thin and sprightly arctic wolf who seemed… twitchy one could say. Then some more animals, the cheetah before finally I got in myself, and to my surprise Katie got in with me.

"Do-don't you want to sit in the back?" I asked her, Jeff snickering in that hyena way that was quickly getting annoying in the ten minutes that I'd been listening to it, the equine blowing raspberries before saying "Naw, you guys ain't gonna eat me. Especially you. Your arms and legs look so thin I'm pretty sure that I could snap them in two!"

I could feel my head fur gracing the ceiling quite a lot, scratching my cheek sheepishly, blushing before the cheetah next to me, whom I later learned was called Richmond soothed "Katie is the scariest thing in this bus. Follow her rules and you'll be fine. Break any of them and she'll come down harder on you than any of us ever could."

For some reason, I was starting to like Katie more and more. I don't know why. Her upbeat, no-nonsense friendliness was a breath of fresh air. No offense to my other friends of course, but discussing doom and gloom had made me rather uninspired before all this, maybe this was what I needed in more ways than one. I mean I hadn't even thought about eating her yet!

"I'll make sure to toe-the-line," I smiled, the toned zebra petting my arm, chuckling "Then we'll have no problems wolf boy."

* * *

We drove for a few hours, the roads out nothing pretty, but when we arrived just before the afternoon sun kicked in we were all ready to stretch our legs. I don't have to tell you that spending a few hours in a hot mini-bus with a load of herbivores and carnivores wasn't easy. In a way, I had enjoyed my time though. Nobody asked about my injuries or the incident, and I hadn't had a stray thought at that time, at least nothing to worry about.

Perhaps Gartland was wrong. Perhaps I was wrong! Perhaps in time, I could wean myself off all this medication. Start leading a normal life, one where I didn't live in a cave in the forest and steal picnic baskets or some goofy thing like that.

We got out and started stretching in a wooded area. Mountains were all around us, and it seemed that we were in the midst of beautiful pines and rock formations. It struck me I'd been in America for almost four years now, California to be precise and I'd only ever been to the beach. The natural beauty was a totally different biome to Brazil's.

Jeff began showing some good moves to limber us all up, his flexibility admittedly impressive as he helped herbivores and carnivores alike. There was a sense of _'team'_ that made me feel more belonging than any college motto, or stupid frat saying.

I did most of them, but then my wound did prevent me from doing more than average, despite the impressive healing I'd been doing. After that Katie explained how she'd set some flags up the previous day for the largest animals and some smaller for the mice and voles. She'd color-coded it in a way that we could run three loads of tracks.

The pink was the ease and would loop back to the start within two hours. The yellow would take four and the green would take 6. It struck me that she had all this ease and yet she had organized all this the other day in her own time. To say I was impressed would be a minor understatement. I could only think about all the times before when I'd thought about doing something productive but ended up binging some bland and boring show on Blepfix.

"Remember to look where you're going and simultaneously where you're putting your feet guys. This isn't a road or track. If you need help please say, you should all have my number, and we'll have three team leaders. I'm taking green flags, Jeff's taking yellow and Richmond pink. See you all later!"

With that, Katie gestured for people to start gearing up. She crossed over to me and asked "You wanna start running with me? I hear maned wolves can keep up quite the pace. Do you think you can keep going to the yellow flags?"

I couldn't help but grin. This zebra here thought she could challenge me? Well fair enough I had everything to prove, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to rise to the challenge because I was new!

"Come on then. I'll give you a couple of minutes head start." I smiled, being ever the gentleman, the zebra folding her arms and blowing another raspberry at me.

"Come on, don't think with that male pride. We'll start together, the paths are pretty wide for the most part, let's see how long we can keep together… well if you can keep up that is!"

With that we began running, the setting off at a steady pace, after all, it wasn't a race. Her stride was practiced, and to be honest put mine to shame. I really did feel like I'd let myself go. I mean, I was still lean, but nowhere near as fit as I was in my mind's eye.

My chest felt tight and my injuries stiff, particularly my arm, and I tried not swinging it as much, draining more power from my movements, but there was no point in killing myself for a run with a girl.

I realized I'd fallen behind a little, a ram catching up to me, puffing and panting before I sped up, starting to smell the overwhelming fresh air and feel the sun on my face as I caught back up to the mesmerizing striped herbivore. Mesmerizing in part due to those stripes, and in others her personality.

"Oh, you're back, figured you'd be dropping back to Jeff," she smirked, teasing me lightly.

"Well I admit that I'm not as good as I thought I was, but to be fair I'm not at my best. I didn't think I'd like this as much, but the outdoors is really nice. No Zbox or alcohol to pigeon hole into. Nothing to distract me really, I should really have done something like this before."

"What did you say about a pigeon's hole?" Katie asked all innocently, cheekily before she began pulling ahead, chuckling "Well I was hanging back, but don't feel you need to catch up if you don't want to."

She pulled ahead, and I more than certainly wanted to catch up. Pushing myself to a more than uncomfortable pace, it went from a jog to a fell run, my knees like shock pads as I pounded up hills and over rocks. Keeping pace with Katie as sweat poured off me.

With every moment her scent got stronger, she was pushing herself as well. Even if she didn't want to admit it, she was sweating more and more. A sweet herbivore scent, like junipers and shortbread, if that made sense? It probably didn't, but it was hard to describe a carnivore's olfactory system.

"How're you doing Renton?" Katie asked after a solid hour of running.

"I-I'm ***pant*** good thanks," I lied.

I was keeping up, but my chest was hurting, as was my arm. My feet were keeping up with her, but I knew over the next few hours I would tire. She did this clearly much more and I had to acknowledge that the herbivore probably had better stamina than me.

_That sweet-smelling beauty._

I blinked and wiped my face. I wasn't thinking about her like that. She was a nice person, probably someone who would make a really good friend. Someone who could help me to forget about that deer. Forget about his blood running down my gullet. Yes… she would help me forget.

_She'll help you forget…_

My eyes bulged and my heart raced faster, my breathing getting ragged, my teeth clenched and fangs bared, Katie noticing something wrong and looking over, her instincts feeling something was wrong, her heart starting to race faster. I could sense it. I could feel it. Did she fear me?

_It's only natural for the prey to fear you…_

I began breathing deeper, eyes darting over to Katie as my legs pumped harder and harder. I had to get away from her. Before the voice began saying too much. Before it began making sense to me before I began to want it, as I had in Gartland's office.

_You should slow down, let her know what you want. Let her know she's meat. She'll taste better with fear in her systems. It's chemical. When you rip into her heart it'll be twice as delicious. Twice as glorious!  
_"GRRRRRRRRRRR!" I cried, fully sprinting now, tears in my eyes as I began running ahead of her, totally dropping her behind me, going off whatever sort of track Katie had laid down, crashing through branches and ferns. I had to get away from her. I had to get away from myself.

Who was I kidding!? I wasn't going to live a normal life! It had been going so well. It had been so nice, I felt normal again. I felt hope and now there was none. I wanted to kill. I wanted to kill them all. Katie, the sheep, the bunnies. They were meat and I needed it. On a primal level, it made so much sense, and it was tearing my soul in two.

With a cry of pain, I smashed through some undergrowth and tripped on a tree route, face planting into the dirt by a large pine tree, sobbing and whimpering in pain. Dirt coated my fur and I crawled into a pathetic ball, thinking what Gartland would say. Thinking what everyone would say. I was a mess, I probably should have just done the right thing and ended it all in that alley, but no. I had to cling to life like a stubborn carnivore. I should have let that deer have his revenge. His daughter and wife were killed by people like me. Killers…

I was in such a state that I didn't hear Katie approaching until her arms were wrapped around my form. She was in such danger, she was literally hugging a land mine, but whether she picked it up, or the copious amount of saliva leaking out of my mouth into the dirt she said nothing. She just hugged me right there. Her head resting against the back of mine now, her hand rubbing my back slowly, her breathing getting under control.

Whether it was her gentle nature, or it was me giving myself time to calm down, I stopped panting, stopped salivating and became the tired and destroyed person I'd been the other day. For now, the monster was gone, and the shattered man remained.

"I'm sorry that you went through what you did Renton."

Her voice rang in my ears. She pitied me. Her, an herbivore was petting the big bad wolf. I wasn't even related remotely to a wolf, but it seemed appropriate right now.

"You shouldn't be here," I whined, raising my head to look round at her eyes, her own eyes watery.

She sniffed, hugging me tightly and explaining "It's okay. I don't care about the run or anything. I know why you're here Renton."

My eyes widened and I became fearful. Did she know what I wanted… that I wanted to kill her? Was she really so brash to challenge a carnivore alone in the woods?

"You're hurting because you're alive. You don't think you should be. You think because… because you killed that man, that you broke the code of our society. But he broke it first Renton. He took so much from you; I can see that. You did the right thing, you're not a bad person."

I wanted to laugh. She was a little on the track, but she didn't know really. I smiled weakly and rose to lean against the tree, Katie backing up and sitting aside from me, an insect flying past and making me look up at the canopies.

These trees were old. Hundreds of years probably. Timeless and immortal to the problems of a wolf. In a way I envied them. Being a tree sounded easy. You were steadfast, peaceful and didn't want to kill anyone. You just swayed in the breeze and made oxygen. That sounded nice.

Katie laced her hand into mine and I looked over, seeing her look directly into my eyes, brown meeting a lovely green and purple eye. It was strange, I'd never looked her in the eyes, so I never knew. Whether that was natural or not I blurted out "You've got nice eyes."

Katie burst out laughing and pat my knee. I wanted to remain stone-faced, but that was impossible, her laugh was too catchy, a sort of gentle thing that ended with a snort, making me laugh in turn, raising my paw to wipe my eyes from the tears.

"You're a good guy Renton. A good guy who got hit by something awful. Do you think… we can return to the run? We can take it slow. There's a nice picnic spot in an hour or so where I set up some snacks, I can show you a nice little waterfall there."

I inhaled, clearing my head of the beginnings of the thumping headache I was developing, putting everything out of my mind and focussing on Katie's voice.

"Yeah. I'd like that a lot Katie. I'm sor-"

"Shut up you," she blepped, sticking her tongue out at me and getting up, dusting herself off and offering me her hand. "I'll beat you another day. For now, we animals gotta stick together huh? You can tell me all about your modern art course, and I'll tell you all about why classical art history is much cooler than you think."

I looked at her hand, wiping my eyes one last time. Whatever my future was, I had some control. I could keep the beast under wraps. I could try. I owed it to my family and friends… and that included Katie now.

I took her hand. 


	5. Management Promises

"I'm fine really. I've just been getting on with work and taking my medications, just like I said I'd be," I explained with no lack of annoyance to Gartland.

He had insisted on a Monday morning as the primary session for our talks, followed by a Friday followup and a call at the weekend. I didn't want to talk to him, but since he had been the one to do the most to help with my problem, I suppose not talking was out of the question at this point.

"Well taking the medication is good to hear. It can be hard getting people your age to correspond to someone like me telling you what to do. But you're no depression case are you Renton? You're just a boy who wants to eat a herbivore."

"No," I said flatly, not even bothering to follow it up with anything. The cravings were there, but I could control them. The club at the weekend had shown me that. Even at my worst, I had held back, and Katie had helped with that. She was a special person, and instinct or not, I was stronger as a person. As a man and not a boy.

"Indeed no. Tell me, have there been any serious episodes recently? Salivating? Claws out? Fangs bared and ready to strike?"

His words always sounded to me like he knew something. Perhaps he was spying on me? With the way, he conducted our therapy sessions I wouldn't put it past him. He was in his own way a sick lion. "No, I haven't had anything serious. Minor voices here and there, but the medications help me."

He wrote something down and I watched him, his eyes looking up at mine before he finished his scribbles, the middle-aged man chuckling "You're lying to me Renton, and I really don't get that. Cause you see, when you came to me. You were in denial and very quickly accepted that there was no reason to be there. Now you're doing something to help yourself, but right now it's like you don't fucking give a damn. So get over the fact that you hate me, and tell me what happened so you don't end up murdering someone on campus and my watch."

Why the hell did he have to make some form of sense? Yes, I hated him. He had no bedside manner and spoke with steely brutal honesty, however, to lie to him felt almost too easy to do. So I kept doing it.

"Nothing happened. There were no major incidents. I tried to join a club and the voice popped up in my head, so I didn't. I'm still looking for things to do outside of college."

"Still looking for a girl then?" He smirked and I folded my arms, scowling at him in distaste.

"Are you some sort of creep? What is it with you and me getting laid man?" I asked him truthfully. I mean, there was the stigma of shrinks linking everything to sex, but this guy seemed to really take that stereotype on board and use it in his therapy.

He paused and tapped his pen on his notepad for a moment before explaining "I've seen a few of your kind before Renton. You're not that hard to seek out. Some are like you because of a similar situation. Some just can't control themselves, improper chemical balancing, or maybe just the almighty gods sense of humor."

He stood up and moved to his window, looking at a spell of summer rain moving in, his face covered in a grimace as he turned back to look down at me.

"You've got to know that I've worked in other places before I worked here. Inside the city, helping those come to terms with themselves. About 90% of those cases I worked on, I couldn't do anything. For some carnivores came to me too late, and had already acted upon their need, or resigned themselves to it. Those I committed to sanitariums for their own safety, and for those around them. Perhaps some will get out, but I doubt it. Breaking that bond with the meat is... almost impossible. It's why we do such a thorough job of denying it to carnivores."

"Naturally, you'll have your black markets. Animals who've been killed in accidents died of natural causes or been unlucky enough in some cases to come into contact with organized crime will end up on a hook somewhere. I don't personally visit those back alley meat dens, but for some it keeps them going week to week, for an exorbitant price. Then there's darker corners of this world, where the natural order is more... natural."

I felt twitchy at the atmosphere in the room and decided I was done listening to his monologue, demanding "What's your point man?"

He turned, a faint smile on his lips, the feline laughing "Well _'man' _my point is that you're the first carnivore I've met whose in such an interesting circumstance. I mean look at you college kids. You've already got such a lot on your plate between course-work, part-time jobs, friend politics, real politics and whatever set of social media you worship. But on top of that, you're thinking constantly about whether or not you're going to kill someone and eat them. I don't think I've ever had a patient quite as loaded with problems as you! I'm amazed you haven't taken a chunk out of someone yet."

He was such an inspiring Doctor, honestly. Checking my watch I saw our session was about up and rose to leave, Gartland suddenly right behind me, grasping my bad arm and making me yelp in pain.

"You'll tell the truth come Friday of course, or else student, patient or killer, I'll have all three of them sectioned. Trust me, if I can make the beast show it's fangs, the crazy catchers will easily be able to."

He let go of me, making me grumble curse words under my breath before leaving.

* * *

A few days of classwork went by and I bemoaned my current lifestyle. Too injured to go out and party, too injured to concentrate in class, and too frustrated to enjoy hanging out with the guys.

Bill and I had been spending more and more time with one another recently. The tiger was being kinder and less brash than usual, but I wasn't sure if that was because he pitied me or because he was in such awe. He'd always talked the most about instinctual issues. Attempting to tease the line when it came to eating meat, directing debate to the black-market food and calling it 'the safe way' to be a carnivore.

Everyone our age by now knew about the black markets. Some more than others admittedly. They said they got all their meat from the recently deceased, but that sounded wrong. How many animals died on average a day? How many could actually be recycled after a burial or accident? Was it corruption sanctioned by our government? Or was it all bullshit? It was better not to ask, and so the balance stayed just that. Balanced, with a shit load of cover-ups.

I was on my way to class, business as usual when suddenly a familiar voice called out to me from halfway across the main campus grounds. I turned and instantly saw Katie, breaking off from a group of other stripy zebras, her black hair tied into a ponytail and those pretty mismatched eyes lit up.

"I thought I saw you hobbling along there. Not a lot of wolves as tall as you! How's the shoulder?"

She smiled and tapped it, making me wince and reply "F-fine," quite the obvious lie, but I wasn't going to let myself show just how weak I'd become. Not in front of her friends especially, the other zebras and a rather small mule looking confused as to why Katie was talking with a maned wolf before realizing who I was and starting to gossip, thankfully out of earshot.

"I'm glad. You're coming to the run on Friday? We're doing a night one along the beach, there's gonna be torches at checkpoints and we're all gonna have an afterparty with a bonfire and some drinks!"

My face fell as I heard her talk about the rather lovely plans she had for everyone tomorrow, and clearly she picked up on my problems, asking "What's wrong Renton?"

"I can't attend sorry Katie. I… um. I have more work than I figured and well, I think I can't continue running, you know why. I think I'd just bring you down and I don't want to cause any problems for the club."

I'd hoped she'd take my words and leave them at that. Understand that I was too damaged to be in the club. That if I ran again it would only cause me more pain. Of course, that would've been too easy for Katie, and even though I'd known her only a few days, I knew that it was wishful thinking for her to just walk away from something like this.

"You can't be serious! You kept up with me the whole way that day, and you were injured! If you quit now I'm going to come into your dorm room every time we have a club day and wake you up, and trust me, a pretty young zebra in a carnivore dorm is just asking for trouble."

I bit my cheek and zoned out at the thought of her entering the dorm. She'd do it as well. She was just that strong and foolish of a character. She didn't know that it was me she should be fearing though. Had she not picked up on it the other day? Or had she really believed I was just so distraught over being nearly killed? Did she think I was weak, or stronger than anyone could imagine?

"F-fine then. I'll come. Well done, you've been able to coerce me." I grumbled, Katie giving her best 'horse face' and making me almost burst out in laughter.

"You're not gonna regret it. The beach can be tough to run on, but the lighting at dawn and in the night is just fantastic. I'll see you Friday wolf boy!"

She pet my snout, making me flinch back. I swallowed, trying to avoid blushing but being unable to. I should have stuck to my guns and not rolled over like a puppy. I should have, and yet it had been second nature to give Katie what she wanted. She was a strong herbivore and just too nice.

'How long before I start thinking about how good she tastes?' Was my next thought as she got back to her friends, tongues wagging and gossip abounding as they walked off to their classes.

I walked back to my dorm quickly, thinking about how much easier it would have been to have blanked her, to have done anything other than say_ 'Oh yeah Katie, sure I'll come run with you in the pitch darkness. Hopefully, I don't fucking murder and eat you!'_

My brisk walk was turning into a run and before I knew it I was in front of my bathroom mirror, breathing erratic and head swimming in pain. I knew what was coming on. I knew that it was the monster, the beast inside of me. It wanted blood, it needed it so bad. We needed it so bad. To kill prey. To make them fear us, to whimper and cry as our teeth bit into their neck.

I was baring my fangs, looking at myself in the mirror and laughing as I fantasized about it. About how I could kill her. I could see in the dark, most carnivores could, and they couldn't. I just had to get her away from the rest of the pack, away from the other carnivore's who hadn't tasted real meat yet, then I could do it.

_That's it. Imagine how to pull it off. You don't need to stop the beast, you need to manage it. Be smart, choose your kills as a real hunter would, and hide in plain sight. We could continue as if nothing had happened, they would never suspect you. How could they? You survived a herbivore attack, disgusting prey need to know their place. Let your jaws show them their destiny!  
_

I was laughing again, cackling at the streams of saliva running down my neck, dripping into the basin. Tears streamed down my eyes as my laughter became wracked sobs, my jaws still bared as I fell to the floor, hitting my head against the towel rail and snapping it in half. I whimpered, laying there in pure self-confessed agony.

Why had I agreed to see her? Why? Why did I need to kill her so badly? She was nice to me. She treated me like a real person, and not just a guy who'd survived such a horrible thing. She knew my pain as if she'd lived it herself. So why was I thinking about her? About killing her?

I put my head in my hands and cried, something I'd not done for years I was doing almost non-stop over these past few weeks. I was truly broken. There was no way I could go on that run with her. With anyone. Just because the sick monster in me wanted to kill her, didn't mean I wouldn't settle for someone... less.

How much time would it be before I woke up and started stalking campus after dark? Or the streets of L.A? What would become of me? At best the sanitarium and at worst a bullet hole in my head when armed police took me out.

I inhaled deeply, calming by breathing down until I was mute. It was like a panic attack but with aspirations of murder. Perhaps I should have told Gartland about Katie. Perhaps he would have been able to kick some sense into me.

Suddenly I heard the front door open, the heavy footsteps signaling it was Bill, and by the way, he sounded he had likely been out drinking and clubbing all night. I wondered if the tiger actually went to his classes at all, besides the ones with me. He never seemed to miss those, but I'd never seen him work or do anything else besides party. It made me wonder if he had a plan beyond the end of this year.

He opened up the bathroom door that I'd neglected to close, jumping out of his stripes when he saw me sitting by the tub in the state I was in, his zipper halfway down as he swayed too and fro, asking "R-Renny? What're you doing here? What are you doing on the floor?"

It was clear what I'd been doing on the floor and Bill stooped to the basin, using it as support as he apologized "S-Sorry man. I thought you were in class or something. I didn't mean to barge in. Do you want me to leave?"

I looked up through reddened eyes at Bill and shook my head. Instead, I breathed out, inhaling sharply before explaining "No... it's fine dude. It's okay. I just have been having a tough time lately. I'm sorry about all this. Let me get out of the bathroom so you can take a piss," I chuckled lightly, I don't know why. It felt so comical that I had to vacate the premise so that Bill could drain the snake.

I stood up, but before I could move forwards I felt Bill's embrace. He wrapped those large arms around me, his strength immense, nothing compared to mine, his eyes tearing up as he apologized "This is all my fault... it was because you were coming to my party. Right after you visited Theebie's house. You could have gone and got a different bus, but you were gonna head to the other side of campus. It's my fault you nearly died!"

Bill was crying like a baby now. A real kitten at heart as he clung to me, so much his claws hurt my flesh, digging through my clothes and making me whimper "N-No buddy, I didn't plan on taking a different bus. I was just gonna take one back and walk across campus, I wasn't thinking about taking another. No matter what that sick fuck would have found me. You're not to blame."

Bill sniffed, rubbing his nose and stepping back, almost as if my revelation had lifted a good 20 pounds off his shoulders, the feline coughing to clear his throat before composing himself.

"Oh... well, I still feel partially responsible. I g-guess that you're right though. I just... I love you man. I really love you. More than just a brother," he smiled, leaning against me, his face rather close to mine, so much so that I could smell the vanilla vodka on his breath.

"Haha, thanks man. It's nice to know you're a true friend. Honestly, I was losing my way before all this and... well I still feel like that sometimes. Knowing that you're with me though and that you've got my back makes me feel safe. Let me get out of the way though. You earned this whizz."

I slipped out of his grasp, leaving him in the bathroom alone. I had to remember that the incident might have caused my recent issues, but it had affected everyone I loved as well. From my Mom to Theebie. I couldn't forget about them and had to be stronger. I could do this. I could do the run, I'd just avoid Katie. I'd run slow and stick to the two-mile course, staying close to a carnivore, maybe that Jeff guy. That way I wouldn't have the chance to 'hunt' her or do anything else stupid.

Asides from that I had a few days of studying to do before Wednesday, so I could take my mind off of it. Medication and distraction, just as Gartland had told me.

I wiped my eyes, opened my laptop and began typing an essay I had to hand in tomorrow, the words coming naturally as I put my grim energy to productive use, failing to hear the faint sobbing coming from the bathroom behind me.


	6. Starry Skies and Soft Sighs

I decided to take an awoober instead of the mini-bus or a regular bus. It wasn't that I wanted to be anti-social, but between the hell of public transport and a cramped mini-bus full of an assortment of herbivores that may as well of been eclairs, I figured the safe and comfortable ride would be the best avenue for me to take.

I had one goal tonight. To keep the beast under control. To hide what I was in front of my fellow carnivores who could see me for what I was more clearly than the herbivores in the group. They'd be running by the dim red dawn and then by the torches along the beach, a rather dangerous thing for them, though in the furbook group I was now a part of I saw they were going to run in groups to alleviate the nerves of the more skittish among them, with once again carnivores going in front.

My canine driver dropped me off, a husky, and apparently someone who took the rule of transport rather seriously as he thanked me so deeply from the bottom of his heart for letting him be my ride. It was probably something to do with dogs fetching things. That was something my Father would have said at least.

My Father of whom I'd seen maybe thrice in my life, and who'd always said nothing but derogatory things about dogs. Things like they were the most simple and stupid amongst the canine races, though saying that he was a drunkard and a racist prick, so what did he know? Not a lot. He could rot in whatever favela or lumber camp he wallowed in, inside Brazil. I'm glad my mother hadn't stuck around.

I walked down to the beachside, Long Beach looking particularly nice at this time of the year. People were passing on by me, looking content as the summer night took over from the summer day, shorts and shirts reigning as the fashion of choice, as people tried to beat the heat.

I myself had taken my shorts, the one pair that I rarely wore, mostly because people would laugh at the stick figure like legs that made me such a good runner and gave me my height. I was lanky, but people seemed to think I was a monster in terms of size. I was no giraffe, but the dark coloration my race had along with our limbs likely aided people's perception of my height.

Saying that I did tower over mostly everyone, and as I saw the running club gathering to one side of the main pathway, it was striking just how small many of them were.

Small herbivores with their small and frightened heartbeats that I could faintly hear, their scents and various smells that made them so much more distinguishable than carnivores. Even the weakest, like my stoatly carnivore friend, smelled… well boring compared to a sheep.

The gifts of enhanced smell, sight, hearing, and taste were amazing, but you put them together with your instinct and they were a mother. One that my kind would struggle with until we either evolved or wiped one another out. After all, we're all equal when you strap both sides up with machine guns, though that's a helter-skelter thought if ever there was one to be had.

After giving the husky five paws up I moved on in to join the group of fellow runners. Running for pleasure over competition made them much more mellow than some of the other college sports teams I'd come upon. Many of those seemed more concerned with statistics and numbers than with the passion for the sport, but here people didn't care if you wanted to train hard with some friends or enjoy a refreshing run, and I liked that about them more and more every time I saw them.

I'd heard of other countries having what I could only describe as 'merited people' who seemed to take up a lot of importance. I imagined they'd fit in well with the sport and drama clubs abounding campus. They were different though. Needed high grades and social skills, something about them bridging a gap between carnivores and herbivores and being looked to as the _'future.'_ I think the Japanese called them beastars, but I wasn't exactly an expert. I'd lived between Brazil and America so long, and I could confirm that there were no saviors here.

"Ah Renton, glad to see you, buddy, yeah Katie is going to be running a little late… get it, running a little late. HAHAHA!"

The sharp chittery laughter hurt my ears and made some nearby bunny girls both whimper and put their hands on their petite wastes in frustrated annoyance. Jeff was an okay guy, but he sure did know how to get the most annoyance out of others when it came to that cursed laugh of his.

"We're gonna wait for her or?" I asked, the hyena shrugging "She's been putting up torches with some other volunteers for the last hour, so she's gonna awoober back and then start the run after we go. You're free to wait for her if you'd like?"

"NO! I mean, no… that's fine with me. I don't mind setting off without her."

Jeff looked quizzically at me for a moment before he smirked.

"That's funny. I struck you for more of a _'knight in shining armor'_ type of fella who'd wait for the gal. Well then, I'm gonna start stretches to the side of the skating park in ten minutes, please mingle to your heart's content Romeo."

With that, he chittered some more, before departing to go and talk to the cheetah, who seemed to be having an argument with the grey wolf over football or something dumb.

What had he meant by that comment? Romeo? One of the most epic tales of literature about a carnivore and an herbivore in love who killed one another through their devotion to one another. Surely he didn't think…

Did Katie tell everyone that I had been practically crying into her shoulder for a good minute on our last run? Or did he think I was some sort of honorable type because I had good chin bones? Either way, the fact that Katie was going to be behind me for the entire night was a blessing. Thank goodness she'd not be a part of the main pack of runners. I just had to stay in front and I'd be fine.

I couldn't help but grin at my own luck, almost chittering myself. 

* * *

After a long stretching session, we all gathered at some starting torches as Jeff sent us off in groups, giving the option for carnivores to go first this time since the trail was only a 3-hour run, and pretty much a line along the beach. Most carnivores chose to go first, making the herbivores more comfortable, but of course, Jeff would be coming up the rear to ensure there weren't any stragglers.

After some clapping and congratulations to the newcomers we set off, and I was struck by the terrain. This was a lot harder to run in than I'd anticipated, the sand making it so we lost a hell of a lot of shoe grip and sank back with every pound of our feet, the others struggling as much as me in the first hour as Long Beach got further and further away.

This was all good for me. I hadn't even had a stray thought, the beach dark, but visible to us all as we slogged along it. I was totally at ease, relaxing my poor stiff arm and my sore chest as I ran, the exercise both hard on me but likely a benefit considering the sedentary life I'd been living these past few weeks.

The torches lit the checkpoints and before long the red sky was dim and the stars exploded outwards, not as strong as they could have been thanks to the city, but strong enough to make us all feel an attachment to them.

I wasn't spiritual, and I hella didn't believe no dinosaurs spawned us with a meteor wiping them out. However, looking up at that expanse made me feel happy. Happy to be alive, happy to be in this group, all because of Katie.

She'd stuck with me and convinced me to go on this run, helped me out as nobody had before. An herbivore consoling a carnivore, a real mouse and lion story. Was this a fable or the start of some unfunny joke people would tell in their dorms and locker rooms? Either way, I was suddenly thinking about her, and curse my mind I found it hard to stop.

She had a fit figure, curved and lush with flesh… sweet herbivore flesh that oozed scent, equines always being so easy to detect.

But I didn't care about that. I didn't care about the idea of eating her. I wasn't the beast, and whilst it was part of me, I was my own person. I knew that now. I could accept that, even if it might tear me in two someday. It was quite an experience, to run in your own mind whilst you ran along a warm Californian beach at night.

I would not eat her. I could not if I avoided her. If I fazed out of her life as I'd never been there to start with. Ignored her today at the after-party and then forever on campus. In time I could stop going to these events, and beyond that, I would be dropped from the online group, and move on from her forever. She would be safe, maybe a little hurt to have lost a friend, but I would never harm her.

That would be the logical way to play this. I couldn't do that though. Even now as I ran in silence, contemplating my future and the creature inside of me, I missed her. It had been but a few days but, she was too amazing of a person to forget. She spoke her mind, believed in people and could lead them to that extent to become the best in themselves. She was brave, caring and she had a voice that sounded of honey. Hell if this was Japan and we were both 3 years younger she'd be my beastar vote.

_You like her._

I tripped, falling flat on my face and eating a mouthful of sand, a couple of carnivores chuckling with a fox whistling "Eating some shit wolfie!" before patting my back and running on, not a lot of sympathy from the _'pack,'_ today it seemed.

I spat out the mouthful of sand and crud I'd almost swallowed as the herbivores began running past, making me wince as I realized, I'd twisted my ankle, grimacing at my dumb, stupid luck.

I tried running on it, but after two plods it was clear that wasn't going to happen. The terrain and the severity of the sprain were all too much and before long Jeff came up behind a slow elephant who was struggling on his first day of the club.

"What's up buttercup?" he asked with no lack of humor in his voice.

"Twisted my ankle is all Jeff, carry on running, I'll just walk back to civilization. It's my fault."

"Ah hell dude, that's like a good hour back the way if you run, you should honestly just keep walking, the party is the same time away and we have medicine and the mini-van parked there with some beer! I'd walk you but I wanna keep everyone else in check, Katie will be coming along. Guess she can be your knight in shining armor tonight HEHEHE!"

With those words of un-helpfulness, I watched as Jeff began running after the group to catch up just behind the slow plodding male, my eyes shrinking to pinpricks as I put my hands on my head and realized I'd royally fucked up.

I was in the middle of nowhere, if I went back, I would run into Katie, if I went forwards she'd catch up to me. If I stayed here, I'd probably be discovered, the moon was brighter than I'd like it to be. Then again… I could hide, she'd run past me without knowing it, and she was a good 20 minutes behind everyone, nobody would ever know, I'd just say I walked back another way after she passed me.

These were all good ideas, but they were before I heard someone running into earshot. I couldn't believe it. That little crazy running freaky equine had caught up to us in half the time, and on top of it, she was wearing a headlamp, my eyes shining off it in the distance as I panicked and tried to think of a way to escape.

The dunes? I'd never make it in time. The sea? I couldn't swim and drowning sounded nasty.

Soon my dithering didn't matter, as a familiar voice called out "Look who has chosen to wait for me!" Katie running on over, stopping to catch her breath, sweat and scent dripping off her and making my foot shake. The one with my bad ankle thankfully so it just looked like I was in more pain than I really was.

I heard a radio squelch as Katie said "Yeah I have him, Jeff, don't worry I'll walk with him," the realization that they both had radios making all my plans from before of hiding shatter, not that it mattered anymore. Of course, she had a radio.

"Heya," Katie smiled, panting heavily, having pushed herself beyond normalcy to catch up to me, her eyes darting in the dim light down to my injured foot, the zebra tutting "Renton if you keep getting stuck behind by injuring yourself then you're going to quickly become the butt of so many jokes that Jeff is bound to come up with. Not just that but they're all going to be terrible!"

She crouched down and made to remove my shoe and I yanked it away, my nose shivering as I inhaled her scent… such a sweet scent. I needed it so fucking bad, I needed to feel her blood on my lips and her flesh...

_Why hide it? She won't know until you're finished ripping into her. You can hide the leftovers in the ocean… if you think there's going to be leftovers! Do it. Kill her!_

I whined as she pinned my foot, chuckling "You're shaking everywhere dude, you can't be cold. Is it more than a sprain you think?" she asked, inspecting my paw, seeing the swollen ankle and hissing "Daaaamn, that's a nasty twist. Yeah, we're definitely going to hike from here on, which I honestly don't mind too much, I was sprinting half-way here just to catch up to you guys."

_Do it. Fucking kill her you, coward! You're a carnivore. This is the way of the world. The prey is helpless and we help ourselves. The world works like this, do it! Nobody will know! You don't care about her; you only want to eat her. You can't keep her from your thoughts, you need to kill her. Prove to yourself that you are a predator!_

Katie's face fell, seeing sweat pouring down my cheeks, my heart racing and my claws posed by my sides, drool sliding down my throat as I had at least enough sense to not bare my fangs… but my eyes bared everything as I looked into her soft and gentle mismatched ones.

"R-Renton are you okay? You're scaring me. You're not saying anything and your heart is pounding so loud I can hear it from here."

She took a step back, her own instinct flaring up as I whispered "Why couldn't you just leave. Why couldn't you just fucking, LEAVE ME ALONE!"

She was taken aback by my outburst, saliva freely dripping from my jaws now as she realized what was going on. "You're… no, you can't want to-"

"Eat you!? Of course- I do! It's all I can think about right now! You're alone with a predator, a vile outcast of society. Something that is no fucking better than the garbage you'd pick up off this very beach, and you chose to stop and help it? Do you want to fucking die Katie!?"

I pushed my claws into my thighs, gritting my teeth and clenching them so hard that blood began seeping down my lips as I bit into my gums.

"I killed that man Katie. Before he could kill me, I ripped out his throat and swallowed his flesh, something the BizzfFeed articles leave out! I tasted just how delicious an herbivore was in that moment, and even as I lay dying I wanted nothing more than to take another bite."

It was all on the table now, Katie taking several paces back in horror, her eyes watery as I sank to my knees, my claws digging into my thighs so deeply now that I was bleeding, the sheer willpower it was taking to stop the monster unsustainable, my eyes filling with tears and my heart hammering all the faster.

"I wanted so bad to leave. So bad, but you stopped me. Brought me back, and now you're exactly where my fantasies have wanted you. Alone in the dark with a monster. Run Katie, please… run and call the police, call Jeff or anyone… do it before I tear you apart!"

My claws were now directly in my thighs, causing lacerations as I tried to buy her every second I could, give her a fighting chance. A head start from the creature I was becoming.

If I had one of the pills, they gave spies in movies to end their lives I'd take it now. If I had any way out of this, I would take it, I couldn't hurt her. I just couldn't hurt her! _'Gods, whether you're dinosaurs or not please, don't let me hurt her PLEASE!' _I begged, the voice simply chanting what I knew to be the truth now, the monotonous thunderous drum echoing in my ears as if I was shouting it.

_KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL _

I opened my eyes, crazed and yellow and snarled, seeing them reflected in a light purple and green set of soft and frightened eyes, just before a pair of lips pressed against my muzzle, locking me into a kiss, Katie's hand on the back of my head and another on my cheek as she slowly blinked her eyes of tears, her small and vulnerable form-pressed into my knelt one as she did the dumbest thing anyone could have done in her situation.

Yet I didn't retreat and snap her neck. I didn't push her aside and rip into her belly, shred her intestines or maul her legs so she couldn't getaway.

I just stayed there, looking at her as she kissed me. Looking at my eyes inside of hers, tears trailed down her face. An herbivore kissing the one who would kill her, the one who wanted nothing more than to eat her, to rip her apart. Was this Shakespeare?

Then I did something automatically, without even telling my brain to do it, and as the kiss finished, I kissed back, dragging her lips in for round two, my mind swimming, the voice dying and my realization hitting me like a sledgehammer.

I loved Katie, or at least I had started to love her. She was nothing like Theebie, she was an herbivore, a runner and she was brilliant.

With a whine, I kissed her harder, more tenderly as tears flowed freely down my face as well. I stopped trying to comprehend the situation, and instead focussed on her face, her striped… stupid face.

It was sort of making more and more sense. I had liked her personality, liked her body (even if I'd wanted to deny it), and she had even ignored my pleading to leave me, stayed by my side and stopped me. Stopped the beast.

That revelation made me more shocked than any that came before it. She had stopped the beast, my claws coming out of my thighs and my hands going limp by my side as I began to make out with her, no words having been uttered, just the understanding that we were two twenty-year-old and that this was wrong on the animal level.

At that moment we didn't care. I was kissing her more intensely as she kissed back, our tongues meeting, hers coarse and mine wet and far more flexible, my mouth itself sloppy from the amount of drool I'd swallowed, an unpleasant thought in such a... hot situation.

"K-Katie," I eventually was able to murmur, the Zebra mouthing "Shut up," as she ignored me and kept on kissing me, biting the edge of my lip if you'd believe it, those unsharpened, simple teeth when compared to my fangs more likely to hurt me if they smiled at me, and in a way, her smile had done just that. The beast was gone, the voice was gone and in its stead, I remained.

A very confused wolf.

Her tongue was exploring my mouth now, and I couldn't resist bullying it with my massive, longer one, Katie groaning before pulling away, giggling "H-hey that's no fair," her smile only helping to make me smile harder as I wiped my eyes of my tears, feeling as if a weight had been lifted off of me as if I was born again.

"Are you okay?" she whispered to me, her eyes worried, if no longer afraid of me, blood dripping into the sand from my cut thighs.

I looked out at the stars, far brighter out here in the dunes a little way from the city. I marveled at those little balls of gas, so far away, so brilliant and so inspiring.

"I've never felt better Katie."


End file.
